boyfriend financially supports his family

Boyfriend (M39) supports his parents financial needs 100% But as of now, he spends more on supporting them than himself. It begins with talking openly, exploring the options, and developing an effective and efficient plan. HELP!!! No thanks. Our families helped us as much as they could, but for the most part we are self-made. People at any age can learn better money management, to not indulge themselves with treats like a child and then not pay bills. If hes not fighting for something as important as his career, how can you expect him to fight beside you when the going gets tough? Talk to him honestly and openly about how much money you need . His child support, truck payment, etc., leaves him only $600 to contribute to the household. I am wondering where you live that you pay $1100 a month for an apartment? At that point, you should each contribute 50/50 towards rent, household expenses, and utilities. They didnt reach their goal and he put all his eggs in one basket. Distancing yourself. His income is barely covers his outflow. Helping men financially, I think makes and gives them a sense of irresponsibilty. I come off controlling, and he comes off like he can't prioritize me. 3. He doesnt see it this way. He cooks, you clean. If your man cant live on a budget, and its your money that hes going over budget with, - hes not keeping to a budget because he doesnt care about spending your money, its not his after all. She came in our room this morning and ask my bf if she could have $100 - he didn't even question her, he just said "oh yeah, no problem, I'll give you a check later." No products in the cart. Post author: Post published: June 29, 2022; Post category: spectrum cable line repair; Read on for four non-negotiables that are often overlooked, but that Ive learned to hold on tightly to. Well break down the latest business and consumer news and insights you need to know every Wednesday. And scrapbooking is expensive! Kody was never seen working and as his wives began starting their own online businesses and the family talked about its financial struggles, audiences began to get the picture that Kody either wasn't working or wasn't working enough to provide for his family. This issue has always been my concern since the day I learn about it 2-3 months in our dating. Problem is, his family are always asking for money, and no matter how much it is, he will give, even if he / we can't afford it. He told me he cannot stop supporting them. Help Find Local . We have talked about his parents dependance on him and that i am not comfortable and have issues with it. That leaves me to contribute the rest, about $3000 for rent, food, and utilities. But others find it changes the relationship dynamic a lot. In 69% of married or cohabiting couples, the man earns more than the woman, though this is down from 87% of married couples in 1980. If his name is on the mortgage, it will increase his debt-to-income ratio. This suggests that hes hiding something and what hes hiding is most likely that hes using you for your money. And how unfortunate she feels that his son has to work so hard to provide for them. We do highly welcome posts and community interaction, and registering is simply part of the posting system. Thanks so much for your advice. He lived with his mom when I met him because he said she needed his help financially - which back then I had no idea HOW much help and of course I was younger and more naive so I thought it was "sweet" he took care of his mom. Do they know about you? a bit will help you stay calm and level-headedhopefully he'll pick up on your cue and chill out too. The only way i can see this working is if mom lives in an in-law apartment so you can have your own spaces or she lives with a sibling or someone else, with him paying a certain bill. Family-oriented includes spending quality time together, celebrating with one another, and supporting each other. Of course, requiring that a man bring home the bacon like Bono is hardly behavior Id condone (make your own moolah, babygirl), but as a woman who has dated the perpetually unemployed, I can tell you that expecting him to have a solid job, work history, and career-plan should be a no-brainer. The relative financial contributions of men and women differ significantly by the educational attainment of each partner. Boyfriend's financially supporting his mom!!! Keep up with Brenda on Instagram, Twitter and badassliving.com. By extension, your life is on hold as well. But it's amazing how often we jump through psychological hoops of self-justification to . They continue to ask for financial help. So, without further adieu, lets get into it! Setting Boundaries with Your Adult Children: Six Steps to Hope and Healing for Struggling Parents. She keeps saying if they had anything it would have been for him. If a grown adult cant live life on a budget and doesnt understand personal finance or expenses, no matter how many times youve explained it and given financial advice, theres something wrong! When/If you two really decide to move in together is when you can start talking about finances. That could make it difficult if he wants to buy a home at some point, especially given that he already has student loans. If you have any questions or requests, please contact us at 727-317-5800. I work two jobs, and he works one. Give him a reasonable time frame and pay attention to his dedication and energy level. I wouldnt want him to stop supporting them if they need the help. His priorities are caring for his parents instead of having a life of his own, you get to decided if you want to support him while he supports them. My boyfriend wants to buy his parents a small home or rent them a more affordable apartment. I would clearly ask what he expects and I would state your concerns, and if things don't change to a livable situation that does not end with a married couple with their own lives and privacy like you want, then end it. We have started talking moving in, marriage . No, Im not talking Todd English-style dishes and floors so clean you can eat off of them (though, both would be nice). The more you grow, the more the relationship can grow, says Estes. One cousin even took one of my mother's designer purses to give to her . If you notice that your spouse is always taking from your joint account, to fulfill their spending habits, and theyre never adding any money, they could be using you and draining the account. When Its Not:If your dude confuses co-dependency with love, doesnt really have any interests or passions (read: boring) or sacrifices his alone time in order to keep you from going out and enjoying yours, it might be time to move forward on your own. My boyfriend already talks about supporting his parents financially He makes a VERY good living and I am unemployed, desperately looking for a job. When Its Workable:Its a good sign when your guy can set boundaries and is open to having conversations about your feelings while making you feel like a priority, says Estes. This isn't money going into booze and video games. It would be very easy for him to argue that he would be able to put all his income to his debt and recover faster if you did that. Love knows no boundaries, and it is not unusual for individuals of different ages to fall in love. I am greatful for the gospel that I have. It sounds like Adam is trying to please everyone and ends up feeling trapped. His mom over the course of the past year, has stopped paying the same amount of rent she used to and has pushed ALL of the bills possible onto my bf and I. Ask a Guy: Dating a Guy with Financial Problems - a new mode My longtime boyfriend and I are both in our mid-20s. AND he's bad with money and is $50K in the hole from his own bad relationship with money. They are from another country that the exchange rate is horrible. His current financial situation is because of wrong investments and mostly putting all his savings in one basket, trying to have his own business and spending substantial amounts of money with little success. 101 Hot Date Ideas for Married Couples to Try. It is my feeling, and I feel his mother is very manipulative. 1. Relationships can be incredibly fulfilling, but they can also be incredibly challenging. Hes looking into getting a loan with his sibling specifically for a home. This isnt about his Mom. Also each family is a unit that is accustomed to. Even if true, I told him I dont mind he doesnt have a house or in debt, one thing I have hard time accepting is giving a min of $2k/mo to them. Well, lets just say they likely arent getting many accolades on the other side, either. Men can be victims of abuse as well. I have met them and think that they feel entitled. And I do know people who are willing to contribute some money to help support a parent who doesn't live with them and agree to a certain amount and are fine with that if they can afford it, but you need to decide whether you are willing to live with her and/or support her financially, either of those because it sounds like he expects you to do both, and you will be making sacrifices for her for as long as she lives if he decides you as a couple must do this. I once dated a guy and was so crazy about him. Though it sounds harsh, I don't think he'd ever . Well, let's just say they likely aren't getting many accolades on the other side, either. He pays $600 in rent per month (bc he makes the most $), I pay $300 (varies though, sometimes as high as $500 if his mom can't pay) and she pays whatever she can afford (which is ALWAYS less than what I pay, a great deal less). Theyre the ones that cause that gnawing feeling in your gut and leave you wondering if the situation is workable or if its time to walk. Kody also isn't shown doing much with most of his children. We have grown up with fairy tales and romantic comedies that have told us that the ultimate goal in life is to find our true love and live happily ever after. If his family is so far up on the pedestal where they always come first and take precedence over anything else, including you, youll feel run over, says Estes. 11 junio, 2020. Sam buys the groceries ($250 a month), while Chris pays for all other necessary expenses ($1,100 a month). It is ridiculous of him to accuse you of not saving money while he hands huge wads to his mother. BUT if he refuses to talk about it, deflects, gets angry, talks only in generalities of the "Oh you know, just dumb decisions," but won't give specifics, tells you that it will be addressed AFTER you marry or it's so unromantic to talk about these things or this proves you don't love him then run far away and fast. If it feels there is a competing element involved, you may feel that regardless of what you do or say, the family will win, she says. I struggle financially and my rich boyfriend won't help. - Ask Me Help Desk F that. This might mean that he always makes sure that his name isnt on the bill, or he accesses your account to pay the bills. Thanks for taking the time responding to my question. My partners at different times were understanding but there was an unpleasant aspect that created some negativity around the subject sin. However, in recent years, the idea of being single has gained more acceptance and understanding. 'Not taken seriously': woman in China breaks up with boyfriend after She is Hispanic and my boyfriend says she was raised not to work but be stay at home mom. Started Tuesday at 03:06 AM, By I am okay with his current financial situation. boyfriend financially supports his family how do i reinstate my nursing license in virginia? You need to verify if this is true, by the way. I wont do what he did but he went into a business (in his field) with a business partner. Dear Penny, My longtime boyfriend and I are both in our mid-20s. .You are not going to like my reply but this is hardly a surprise. But I financially support my partner, and I feel extremely judged as a result. If he cannot pay his bills 99 . Robin Hartill is a certified financial planner and a senior writer at The Penny Hoarder. I can see if his mom had a learning or physical disability and didn't have groceries - then you buy mom a bag of groceries or but doling out cash does not help her. You moved in with a man who was living with his mom and supporting her. If he cant, these are important factors to consider, says Estes. Protect yourself so that his financial instability doesnt affect you or harm you in any way, communicate openly with your significant other and tell him your worries, help him come to his senses, and force him to understand that he has to be more responsible with his money. Do not focus on his mom. He has a good career and could have makeup for his financial difficulties if he did NOT have to support them. In a healthy relationship, your partner should never begrudge you for spending your own money, unless youre being reckless with it. I've read what everyone's said so far. I have more in my savings than he does and lately he has been VERY nasty towards me saying things like, "well if you were more motivated and weren't so bad at saving money we wouldn't have to live with my mom anymore" I feel that this is not the case, but he is unwilling to see or except ANY of his faults (another big red flag) How come it is OK for him to give his mom money and cater to her needs/sugar coat EVERYTHING for her..but he is so mean, nasty and down right just hard on me? New Member. His point is that he can do whatever he wants with his money after we've contributed to the shared pot. Sister Wives: Kody's Role in His Marriage Questioned & Criticized And if it all is true it also means he's very under his parents thumb and that's a whole other kettle of fish - have you even met these people? You perfectly describe our situation and possible options. Create an account to follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations. If he needs to work two jobs to pay his parents bills while hes still living with them, he certainly cant afford the expenses of a second household. You do not have to break up yet but you need to get away from this. If he refuses to do his part, always puts it off until tomorrow, or worse, thinks that only ladies do laundry, pack up and go. In this article, we will explore the benefits of laughter in relationships and techniques for cultivating humor and joy. Dear Therapist: Should I Financially Support My Struggling Children Financial favoritism occurs when parents provide unequal financial gifts to their children. My bf (39) and I (37) have been together for almost a 1 year now. Dear Penny: Can I Afford My Boyfriend's Plan to Support His Parents Ask Amy: My boyfriend should stop financially supporting his ex - The WOAH - totally inaccurrate..and totally NOT the type of response I should be hearing from a guy I am considering committing the REST OF MY LIFE TO! He doesn't seem to admit that he needs to stop helping his mom and as long as he's putting his money out there for the taking, she is going to continue to take advantage as long as she can. We've had a lot of problems in our relationship, and even though we really love each other, I doubt the compatibility of the relationship. There are some people who will live with their parents their whole lives and expect their spouse to accept it. Can you please share your experience with me? For example you can say that you're volunteering and get . There are people who are 55-65 that start their own businesses - so the age is not an argument. We know each other from many years ago in college. boyfriend financially supports his family boyfriend financially Women Share Their Personal Experiences Of Financially Supporting Their Partners. Hes supporting his parents financially while living with them and working two jobs. Sexless Marriage Effect on a Husband: What Is It and What Can You Do? The problem here is layered. Financial Favoritism: Giving More Money to One Child Did you like this article and find it useful? If I bring up his mum's unfairness, he says I'm "slagging her off" but I'm pointing out the unbalance. A lot of men will also try to control the money of their wife or use a woman financially because they cant deal with the fact that a woman is more financially stable than they are. Let us know in the comments and feel free to share with any women you think need to read it! However, forgiveness can play a crucial role in healing and growth, both for individuals and for relationships as a whole. If your guy is taking your money and spending it on himself, doing things that dont actually benefit you, for example, buying himself new clothes or going out with his friends, it could be a sign that hes using you. DISCLAIMER: Financial Samurai exists to thought provoke and learn from the community. We have alot of arguments regarding boundaries and money. Let me make a distinction of what I am NOT saying here: I am not saying to reassure him. I always buy him little gifts that he might want or need, and I've mentioned I'd love little gifts too. How Do I Love My Husband When He Puts His Family Before Me? boyfriend financially supports his family. ( I found out yesterday, and am really upset he lied to me) Sometimes they ask for more on top (another 100) and we give them that too. 2010 The Thought & Expression Company, LLC. Should You Financially Support Your Man? - Blogger (And read my 21 pieces of unsolicited advice for you, the brokenhearted.) Of course I want his parents to be happy. In about half (49%) of couples in which the husband and wife are both at least 25 years old . 2 minute read. How You Should Support Your Guy - How To Be There For Your Guy By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. He will ask you a lot of financial favors. Could not load the manifest file. Your character, your way of thinking, your emotional intelligence, and the way you interact with the world around you all play a significant role in shaping your life, relationships, and achievements. No matter how feminist a man may be, it . I dont have a real relationship with his parents, and Im not willing or able to offer my own financial support to them. I feel his parents are his children though. Your spouse should always encourage you to spend some money on yourself and treat yourself, especially if you work hard to earn your money. 5 Love Lessons My Financially-Unstable Relationships Taught Me Honestly, it sounds like you'll end up paying for him to pay for his parents. However, if your boyfriend isn't helping you out financially and you need assistance, there are things you can do to get what you need. In most relationships, especially in marriages, both partners give and take when it comes to finances and the financial burden is never put onto one person. My financial situation is significantly better than his. If youre tired of collecting frequent flyer miles to the purgatory between stay and go, youre in luck. As a couple, you both have to communicate honestly and deal with those emotional challenges that you have around your perception + the pragmatic side of it, which is, what other resources have they NOT looked into that they might qualify for? If you two are serious about building a future together, set a deadline for moving in together. He is working long hours and it seems his parents dont really care and okay with it. That said, if the only cooking your man does is heating up his General Tsos in a dirty microwave, it may be a sign of something more serious. I'm not thrilled, but I'd rather live at home with him, than rent and waste money we could have used for a house. Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. In this article, we will explore the double-edged sword of social media and its impact on body image. It doesnt really matter what the ins and outs are - a guy thats not sharing the bills for the home you both live in isnt someone that you want to be in a marriage with. boyfriend financially supports his family - si2021.gtlanding.com He's making it clear that he thinks that not only he should support his mother, but your salary should go to supporting her as well (i.e., you need to compensate and fill the gap for any money he shills out on his mother). Ive told him my concerns and he was receptive to them, though neither of us knows what to do next. I often see the term "poor financial decisions" in association with people who tend to fall for "get rich quick" schemes and con artists or putting money into things without doing their homework first or living far above their own means. 3. If you feel alone, consistently on edge, used, abused, or unappreciated in your marriage, you are in an unhappy marriage and should either figure out the problems or go your separate ways. I struggle financially and my rich boyfriend won't help. Your decisions are yours alone and we are in no way responsible for your actions. Supporting Your Man Financially? Here's What To Expect - MadameNoire IF this is an absolute dealbreaker I would just move on without commenting on his financial situation. When Its Not:Estes says there are certain red flags that should not be overlooked. They seem really happy for him that hes dating and are very nice to me. A man who knows how to take care of himselfand cares enough to make the effort to do so will be far more inclined to step-up and take care of you than someone who just expects you to live according to his low standards or act as a full time maid-service.

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