disadvantages of being a second wife in polygamy

Remember, in a normal setup the wives are not enemies nor are they in competition, Maphalala points out. She said that time was very painful for me and my little daughters. She has been married for 40 years. Yet we have to shake off the stigma attached to being The Second Wife and say, with a smile, Yes indeed, Im his second wife. I knew society is very cruel and it would be very tough for me to bring up them without father." 1st wife of Mrs. Imam and 2nd wife Miss Nadia have attended some important ceremonies together but they did not get along (Table 2). Her husband got married to Miss Sobia who was the 2nd wife and it was again a love marriage. Mrs. Kamal helped to take care of her co-wife and her new born. She believed that by allowing for a co-wife, she too would be blessed to have a child. An interview guide was prepared before conducting interviews which were consisted of the following research questions based on literature. However, several limitations exist. Lower risk that people get bored in a marriage. Shed dropped out of school to help her sick grandmother, Nomqondiso, when Thamsanqa asked her for her hand in marriage. There is splitting the assets, each person taking on whatever debt there is, plus paying attorney fees, etc. The questions were translated into English according to the needs of international journal. Many first marriages start with two young, giddy people, unfettered by the realities of life. First theme: reasons of polygamy as findings indicated that majority of females allowed their husbands for co-wives due to infertility or having only female children, husbands love marriage, and in-laws family pressure because they wanted to secure their marriage instead of divorce. Why is it higher the second time around? Family pressure: Family pressure is also one of the common reasons for polygamous marriages. Decisions made by two people in first families are often made or influenced by four or more adults in stepfamilies. During the analysis, three major themes were identified; (1) reasons for polygamous marriages (2) Relationship with co-wives/ consequences of polygamous marriage, and (3) strategies to cope with the co-wifes relationship. How to become a second wife and why many women now embrace it No, it is illegal.Under Section 494 of the Indian Penal Code, if a person marries a second time, without a divorce, while their spouse is alive, the marriage is considered bigamy, which is a punishable offense. Dont be too quick to bash him, Lillian advises other women in her position. Though she faced a lot of criticism from the first wife. He loved her, and I was fond of her, Lillian says. But that doesnt mean that they arent a little wounded. One Sunday morning Thamsanqa sat her down and asked her how shed feel if he took a second wife. The study findings may be inconsistent with the previous one except for the religious factor due to cultural differences. Following subthemes were included in these main theme categories. Being a second wife and a stepmother is rather like learning to perfect a set of aerial maneuvers. An analysis of 11 cases of polygamous women transcribed verbatim showed a cluster of themes as infertility or having only female children, love marriage of husband, family pressure, the relationships among co-wives, and their coping strategies to accept this relationship in their marital life. She was living with her in-laws and never allowed her husband to live with his second wife in the same household. Polygamy has become common practice in many communities including Pakistan. Journal of Family Studies. 3.What were the coping strategies which you used to accept the co-wives relationship? Many qualitative and quantitative studies have been conducted to evaluate the challenges and issues facing polygamous women on an international level. "We being realistic have accepted the co-wives". We may also learn that if we dont want to get hurt again, to put up a wall, or other such adjustments. The advantages of polygamy were included sharing in-house responsibilities and child-rearing. There are many stereotypes associated with being a second wife. How Polygamy Works | HowStuffWorks Instead it is the familiar routine of waking to an arm around your waist, the companionable bathroom talk with mouths full of toothpaste, and the idea that someone will know if you dont make it home at night. The study was an attempt to gain perspective about the causes of polygamy, its consequences, and the most important womens ways of coping strategies in polygamous marriages. Eleven women participated in the study. He was a handsome 25-year-old who worked as a miner, and when he asked her gogo if he could marry Lillian, Nomqondiso agreed. What's popular and why. I realized, several years after I remarried, that one of my oldest friends never quite forgave me for getting on with life after my divorce. The Review of Economic Studies. All women were Muslims. Opponents of decriminalization say the current law should not be changed because polygamy is inherently dangerous and harmful to women and children, particularly young girls, some of whom have. Ja, I like these young ones, Lillian interrupts and they all laugh. 2014; 8-10. The majority of Muslims have accepted official polygamy. We have an ordinary life. Literature indicates that the structure of the polygamous women's families badly affected the psychological and social functioning of polygamous women and children [9-11]. How do I marry my second wife in Morocco? - 2023 He may be wounded and certain things may trigger an emotional response, such as . The Advantages and Disadvantages of Polygamous Homes. Mrs. Tanveer was though accepted her husband's second wife but she told, when my husband got married to the second wife this sharing was indeed hurting for me. Mrs. Imam was 58 years old working lady living with her 2 children and a relationship with her co-wife. The statistics are stacked against you, Depending on the source, divorce rates are pretty scary. Two Questions to Help You Spot a Clingy Partner-to-Be. A man 'cannot do that to a woman': Why polygamy in Canadian - CBC His first marriage counted. Mrs. Arslan was the first wife of her husband. disadvantages of being a second wife islam Then there is the hardship of making a living by yourself as a single person. The study is not against polygamy but the need to improve the family structure of polygamous families is a major concern. Christianity condemns polygamy as an offence against the dignity of marriage, insisting that conjugal love between a man and wife must be mutual and unreserved, undivided and exclusive. Unhappiness and loneliness: Mrs. Gulzar was unhappy about a lot of things in the marriage. The advantages of polygamy were included sharing in-house responsibilities and child-rearing. When your friends talk about Christmas and having the whole family there togetheryoure over there thinking, The ex has the kids for Christmas Bummer. Therefore, in line with the objectives of this study, qualitative interviews were a superlative choice for inductive approaches aimed at generating concepts and hypotheses that have far more potential for research than any other model. All the above shows that there is really no marriage between the both parties. What Is Marriage Coaching? Illiteracy, being a wife of a husband with three and more other wives, current history of depression, intimate partner violence, and poor social support were significantly associated with suicidal . Go figure. Relationships come and go, and thats to be expected. These reasons are in line to some extent with the current outcomes as infertility and having only female children was also one of the major factors for polygamous marriage. Polygamy: As Supreme Court decides on banning it, here's how Muslim Practicing polygamy as a legal permanent resident can lead to deportation, as can a criminal conviction for bigamy. Khazuyeva also has two parking spaces in an apartment building on Moscow's Mosfilmovskaya Street. Your spouse has lost their first wife either to divorce or death, both of which bring immense, albeit very different, pain and coping mechanisms. I couldn't sleep properly, I was crying.'. This can make for a challenging home life from day to day. The co-wives shared their several experiences and reasons why they allowed their husbands for 2nd or 3rd marriage. Why Do Women Refuse Polygamy? - Polygamy.com Judge Nenney says every week she hears cases where a couple is charged for having sex outside marriage. Being A Second Wife: The 9 Challenges You Should Be Prepared For The outcomes of polygamous marriages have also been seen. There are many things about a divorced family that can be nontraditional, especially holidays. His actions went against the traditional practice of asking for her permission and mediating until a solution is found, but legally he was within his rights. This can lead to a much-known phenomenon known as the second wife syndrome.. During my final two years in my first marriage, I was constantly telling my friends how I wanted to make my relationship work. Eva wasn't happy, but her husband went ahead and traditionally married the two women without her consent. She said," My husband helped me to survive emotionally and financially". Policy-makers should be made aware of the implications of polygamous marriages on womens health and well-being. The psychological health of women is essential to raising a sound, healthy family and should receive high priority, particularly in developing countries where resources are limited. | Divorce can be an expensive proposition. Now the first wife has no say. Mrs. Arslan told that she was shocked when she came to know about her husband's affair. Mrs. Mustafa said, she approved and permitted her husband to 2nd marriage. Many young women might regard being a second wife better than remaining single. I grew up as an only child, and I always knew I wanted a lot of children, but my wifes pregnancy with the twins was very complicated. Mrs. Kamal also has a good relationship with her co-wife. This was a very uncertain and painful time for me. Kadyrov's second wife also has a place to stay in Moscow, with three apartments registered in her name. It could have been the man's problem too. Can expand your gene pool. Polygamy as sort of status symbol. A typical statistic out there now says that 50 percent of first marriages end in divorce, and. Chechen Leader Ramzan Kadyrov Has a Second Wife - OCCRP The appropriate strategies which are purposefully working by co-wives must be enhanced with proper education and implement programmers that teach coping mechanisms and stress management. But honestly, if your significant other has already had a wedding, who cares? She told when her husband introduced her to the other co-wives, in the beginning, they both cursed me but later they made a compromise and accepted her. The supervisor of the study verified the emerging themes and contents. Polygyny, the marriage of a man and two or more women at the same time, includes an analogous sororal . Rachael Pace is a noted relationship writer associated with Marriage.com. Mrs. Mustafa though convinced her husband of second marriage but she said I was very much distressed and lonely after the 2nd marriage of my husband. Women experienced various degrees of emotional difficulties including jealousy, unhappiness, loneliness, and lack of intimacy with their spouses. After 11 years passed when she had not conceived her in-laws forced her husband for co-wife. 3. Their mean age was 33.83 ranging from 18-50 years. But few years passed her husband was involved with another lady and married after few years. Disadvantages (Demerits) Of Polygamous Marriage 1. We speak to the wives of a polygamist who say their domestic - Drum My mother is a retired teacher and my dad could never keep a job, so she supported us. They know what they want and work hard they dont just take the mans words as the Bible.. There are seriously complicated stunts involved-- trapeze artists have less difficulty in learning when to disappear and resurface at exactly the right moments than your average second wife. But the . How to Become a Polygamist: 9 Steps (with Pictures) - wikiHow Her relationship with her co-wife was perceived to be sisterly. Confidentiality of the data was ensured to all the participants. Growing up my mother was abused by my father, Thembi says as she wipes away a tear. She stated, "'in my religion, co-wives expect to get along. One of the disadvantages of being a second wife is that for some reason, 2. 2008; 42(2), 103-117. Ibn Qudamah writes: So second marriages tend to have less of the giddiness and more of the serious daily life attached. One of the disadvantages of being a second wife is that for some reason, people are far less accepting of a second wife. Voice | 'I'm a second wife and I don't care what you think' Challenges of Polygamy Partiality of husbands: this is where. It is a very common experience that discriminative behaviour of the husbands and unequal treatment with their wives causes several mental health issues in polygamous families. Its not a series of glittering evenings drinking martinis in smoky bars. Get the help you need from a therapist near youa FREE service from Psychology Today. And what if one of the wives has a problem with the way her husband is treating her? Journal of Experimental Child Psychology. "We injoi it and feele to prase the Lord." He enters willingly, eyes open, arms spread--he's the emotional version of a skydiver. They dream big. Divorce can be an expensive proposition. Judges can impose penalties for personal behaviours that are forbidden under Islam: sex outside marriage, gambling or drinking. Countries Where Polygamy Is Legal 2023 - worldpopulationreview.com Jul 20, 2016, 1:53 AM. She said being Muslim I should follow and admit the true teachings of Islam." A Muslim convert says that being a second wife provides her. Changes to the law have meant that women in customary marriages now have more protection than before. He didn't want to leave his first wife because they had already had 4 children together. Mrs. Kamal reported "in the beginning when I thought about the second wife, I engaged myself in different activities because it always hurt me." Mrs. Kamal due to the age factor she was very distressed at the time of her husbands' 2nd marriage but with time she accepted this relationship and had a good relation with 2nd wife and with her children. Should second wives post billboards proclaiming that we are not necessarily women who flounce through life wearing ankle bracelets, feather boas, and alligator shoes? Also watch: A guide for second wives to create a happy blended family. "If it's mostly. The Second Wife | Polygamy Unpicked In Pakistan polygamous women also facing many psycho social problems because our society is far away from the original teachings of Islam about polygamy. 'I've been a second wife for a year and a half. Polygamy | Becoming A Second Wife | Accepting Other Wives 13,077 views May 15, 2020 154 Dislike Share Diaspora Ukhti 3.66K subscribers This is a survey only! Women need to be empowered with education and positive affirmation of self-worth. Polygamy in Egypt: Why I Decided to Marry a Second Wife - Cairo Scene But that's not the case in Canada, says Imam Hamid Slimi of the Sayeda Khadija . It's a common misconception that polygamy means one man married to multiple wives. Whats not typically expected is becoming a second wife. Outcomes of polygamous marriages were a second theme generated by evaluating the relationships of co-wives. 2007; 21(1), 108-127. CNN . Table 3: Frequency of co-wives for religion faith, admit the fate role, and compromise as coping strategies in polygamous marriages (N=11). Resource-defense, scarcity of men, and countering a high pathogen load, and cultural determinists posit religion and gender discrimination as factors of polygamy in these countries [15]. While a second marriage can be successful, its still a relationship composed of two imperfect people. We have also learned of situations where a man is forced by his family to take a second wife because his parents disapprove of his first wife for any number of reasons (they didn't choose her, his mother no longer likes her, she's not the right nationality, ethnicity, skin tone, caste, race etc). Unless of great importance or a family-related event, we rarely attended the same social event together with our husband.. They were much younger than my mother, just eight years older than me. It's like when you are a kid, and you have had the same best friend since you were a baby; then, suddenly, in high school, you have a new best friend. Thobejane TD, Flora T. An exploration of polygamous marriages: A worldview. They get along because this is normal to them they have agreed to it., We live in a world where facts and fiction get blurred. This prompted one Javed to petition the Supreme Court that since Muslim. composed of two imperfect people. His family says it was unaware of any "second. 2008; 148(6): 745-764. But Professor Maphalala says although each family has its own way of doing things, its usually the husband who decides how the children should be disciplined. Conclusion: Polygamous women though claimed that polygamy has disadvantages but to them, divorce is not an option. 2020; 39(2): 750-760. Six were first (senior) wives, four were second wives, and one was the 3rd wife in status. Will You Be Denied U.S. Citizenship Based on Polygamy, Bigamy - Nolo Finding the right path for their family also provides an opportunity for bonding. There are seriously complicated stunts involved-- trapeze artists have less difficulty in learning when to disappear and resurface at exactly the right moments than your average second wife. A married couple that stays together can rack up plenty of debt, but what about a marriage that ends? Method: Exploratory qualitative method was used. Theyre all equal and these two women are their mothers equally. Why polygamy is good for women. - Slate Magazine International Journal of Social Psychiatry. When people. These findings have implications for policymakers and family advisors. The Pros and Cons Of Being A Second Wife - MadameNoire Theyd been happily married for 15 years when she received the shock of her life. If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married. The first author analyzed the transcripts line by line, which was read repeatedly and thematically analyzed for their contents. What are the disadvantages of being a second wife? I would also like to add that polygamy is not a staple in Islamic culture, nor is it a tradition. Reviewed by Lybi Ma. The study was conducted in 2017 with approval from the institution and polygamous women. Since this is nobody's tremulous, maiden love affair, get ready to handle some emotional baggage as a second wife. I'm seven months pregnant. BBC - Religions - Islam: Polygamy Al-Krenawi A, Slonim-Nevo V. Success and failure among polygamous families: The experience of wives, husbands, and children. Even extended family like grandparents, aunts, and uncles, etc., may not ever see you as an actual parent of the other persons biological child. They often include not-so-subtle warnings about what's to come, designed to keep you strong and united in the face of conflict, change, hardship, kids. Few helped financially in return for child-rearing to the senior wives. It was hell for my mom and me afterwards, Evelyn says. Constitutionally, polygamy raises important issues under the free exercise clause of the First Amendment. She almost lost her life I couldnt bear the thought of losing her. He kisses the back of Lillians hand as he talks. Archives of Women's Mental Health. By marrying uBaba Ive not only gained an amazing husband and beautiful children Ive also gained a sister I wouldnt otherwise have had. Being Real: The Pros And Cons Of Second Marriages - Scary Mommy As she had a new born she told when she was admitted to the hospital 1st wife of her husband prepared and brought food for her from the home. Hed moved from mining to owning a taxi business. She told her a tragic story. Psychology Today 2023 Sussex Publishers, LLC, Psychology and the Mystery of the "Poisoned" Schoolgirls. Couples Therapy: Whats the Difference? 2006; 45(3): 311330. Emerging broken, bruised and bleeding from a previous fall when the parachute didn't quite open, he is. What Term Describes Your Relationship: Polygyny, Polyamory, Monandry? She said, "We both share the housework and I always take care of her children". youre over there thinking, The ex has the kids for Christmas Bummer. She said, "I used to take care of my child and co-wife's as well". Mrs. Amir was the 2nd wife and also had no children her husband married her for children and his family again forced him for 3rd wife by giving the reference of the religious doctrine. 27 Major Pros & Cons Of Polygamy vs. Monogamy - E&C A typical statistic out there now says that 50 percent of first marriages end in divorce, and 60 percent of second marriages end in divorce. Ashraf story mirrors that of 25% of Egyptian husbands who, according to statistics provided by the National Centre for Sociological and Criminological Research (NCSCR), take on a second wife within three years of their marriage.

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