beautiful woman with borderline personality disorder

[Subscribe to PsyPost on YouTube to stay up-to-date on the latest developments in psychology and neuroscience]. I suppose she knows her problem as her major is psychiatry (still doing her residency). I havent been supportive as hes trying to go to school. You might ask yourself, why am I with this person when the relationship is so fraught? Well, in some contexts being emotionally unstable, impulsive and intense might work out better. The . Because Ive been really just thinking at times is it just me and finding it hard to really believe my own thoughts because she was denying everything. She wasnt. So here I am. As time went on in the first few months, I would get love bombed like crazy. Ultimately, though, my decade of understanding the personality disorder means im definitely happy to move on. I was hoping for an article that gave me hope continuing my own relationship. She has moved back in with her parents which I believe highlights the issues she has. I never said a thing about her coat. I am retired and act as full time house husband. You are on the road to recovery, and this may take a long time, but your spouse has the option right now of stopping the behaviors that he finds painful to him. If the pain and conflict can be reduced, nice guys do well at high maintenance. If I hadnt found your site, I would still be tearing my hair out. : ) : Most bizarre were her recent attempts to keep me engaged all while keeping me at distance?! The fact is that most men that treat women with these kinds of traits well go through hell while in the relationship and even worse hell when they are discarded like a piece of used garbage. She was raised in foster care, and subjected to sexual abuse as a child. For claritys sake, its worth mentioning that there is no specific medication that treats BPD directly. When I pull her up about it, I get it. Its exhausting and its also why you are so devastated you lose a lot of who you are sacrificing for this other person. Unreal. I dont know how to fully explain myself. He feels that I dont respect him. Its like talking to a brick wall. Whether theyre nice or not, the reason they stay is because they want the admiration the BPD provides them with when theyre in a good mood. The last few years have been hell, but, with my BPD, I have used it to heal myself and figure out how to sustain our relationship because I dont want him to leave. i.e. On the other hand, you feature dialogue techniques that help to assuage the out-of-control emotions and thoughts that plague such relationships and that help to develop a sense of trust and security in the BPD partner. I just wish she could be the girl I met last year, they were such good times and I will treasure them forever. Is it just to convince themselves they were right to end it to avoid feeling guilt and shame? I have personally been mentally abused. I get a message from her through social mediahey. You do your daughter a great service by making her the most important aspect of your life. 3. Thats because in a lot of ways she requires it. This will give you good perspective, you may be right, he may be right, or maybe its a mixing bowl of issues. These articles arent encouraging abandonment, they are giving a warning and providing education for those in a relationship, thinking about starting a relationship, or going through the incredible heartbreak of a lost relationship with someone that has these traits. People with Borderline Personality Disorder tend to be warm, creative, a bit disorganized, and very open about their emotions. But one of the more interesting aspects of BPD is the fact that because the cluster of personality traits that make women susceptible to the disorder are present in all women who develop the disorder, the behavior patterns produced by the traits are strikingly similar. Bibi. Women are not taught to treat men with respect. People like her have no idea who they are and have not developed a strong sense of self which is why they often mirror the other persons personalityat least in the beginning.. or any temperament for that matter with hard work, grit, endurance, tenacity, and the willingness to get uncomfortable. I am in a relationship for 6 years now, its been really hard work, but I believe people can make it work. Occasionally I snap back and suffer the consequences. For more information about exactly why she acted this way, please take a look at my other blog posts that talk about the nice-guy/BPD combination. Id be interested on what Nicola makes of the above from an objective point of view. Then I also see so many married men calling for my services. I often felt she is watching me when we are out in the pub or restaurant if I am looking at other girls etc. Part of me thinks she was just saying that to me to make me feel sorry for her and to keep me from leaving but the other part thinks she really meant it. A therapist who is familiar with personality disorders and parental alienation would probably be your best resource for how feasible this may be. They are extremely empathic and can read emotions fluently. Steve, you are in a very difficult position. What was it about this man that attracted a woman with traits of BPD in the first place? Update time : I knew mine was a BPD waif (covert not raging / silent treatment and headgames as standard) but I was in dating mode (so all was under control). We would sit at the park and he would tell me stories and we would play funny little games and laugh. People with BPD can be compassionate, caring, smart, and funny, but they are also prone to. Being with other people reassures their fear of abandonment until they sense that the other person is going to leave. So, so nonsensical and glad im out of it, lol. Before that, I just hada few traits of it. Despite all of this I still care for her very much, but she will officially have no one left. Please try to be a little more understanding. Good luck all ! BPD is not a life sentence, and how much therapy someone needs is case dependent. My ex has had several relationships (about 12 so far) and does admit she knows there is something wrong but is in her own words too afraid to know. I first met her at work about 6 years ago. Another painful thing is she is so nice to her friends and bubbly and I just didnt see any of that!! My fears go so far that, as Ive mentioned, Ive decided to avoid anything resembling or related to marriage. She decided to attempt suicide. Check out this article for confirmation of this assertion: https://ct.counseling.org/2022/10/not-a-monster-destigmatizing-borderline-personality-disorder/ In this episode, I revisit how to make resolutions that are achievable and based in truth/ from a wise mind perspective. I hope you will stay tuned as I will be writing a blog addressing some techniques that can be used to stop a smear campaign that might be useful. So I took what she said with a grain of salt and just waited to see if she really meant it. He felt defensive. Most people assume that there must be something wrong with men who stay in relationships with women who have traits of borderline personality disorder, men who know the right move is to leave but who find themselves unable to let go. In answer to your question, yes, the woman with traits of BPD may have enablers in her life. Contact us today at 1-844-9-THRIVE. I dont think I owe anyone more than that. I now finally have peace in finding out the alien that swallowed my beautiful adorable girlfriend. However, nice guy that I am, I relented and said I wanted to be there for her through this tough period in her life. PDF An Introduction to Co-Occurring Borderline Personality Disorder and Let's break the stigma and learn ways to heal together. Long story short watch out for the red flags, and yes run to those hill brothers, run to those hills. Granted we were both busy but its no excuse. I used to respond by being harsh to myself. Why should I change for a man? Unfortunately, the tactic that most people choose to help an addict, what we usually call intervention, doesnt work for individuals with traits of BPD. The central conflict arises from the existence of a procedure that can erase memories a procedure Clementine undergoes to forget about Joel. Thankyou for your reply. So why? I think the person I first met was just a front just like she does when she sees her friends. Experiencing periods of emotional intensity, or frequent/rapid mood swings. Unless people like her get help, there is no amount of love that can change her. Can you share some insight on this? You are doing a fantastic job and your stand out blog has been of immense help to me since 2014. x, What i will quickly add, is that *initially more amazing than normal* sex you get (from all PD types who really have no true sense of self) will have a shelf life in most cases. You can lead a great life with a sensitive, intense, hyperbolic or any temperament for that matter with hard work, grit, endurance, tenacity, and the willingness to get uncomfortable. I consider myself nice, not in the typical gaslight a girl with roses and fancy dinners nice, but nice in that im willing to do just about everything i can and step out of my comfort zone as much as possible to make someone i care about happy, with one exception, long term mental abuse. This lasted the entire ride home and for about 10 minutes after until she finally calmed her self down and exhausted herself. What It's Like Being the Woman With Borderline Personality Disorder At first she was very attentive and understanding, and I made what i thought was a real effort at bonding with her son. Get the help you need from a therapist near youa FREE service from Psychology Today. She spent the next month in the psych ward. I loved being on my fathers lap. This sadistic, pathological liar had a very intelligent, handsome and caring man practically eating from the palm of her hand and simply pissed all over it. I went into a panic when they actually walked away. She does it in different ways. The more in twined the lives are the more difficult and painful to get out. Not that she can recall much; her BPD-addled mind is chronically burdened with anxiety Twice. That saidthere are times I get asked out & Ill simply decline. Do I seek another therapist to work with or just accept that this is what it is always going to be like and go forward with a divorce? In Part 1 we explored the personality type associated with traits of borderline personality disorder, or BPD, and the unusual pattern of Dr. Jekyll-to-Mr. Hyde transformation that so many of these women go through when they enter a romantic relationship. I understand your perspective of male behavior, but I disagree that all men are as you describe. His desire to please others and find acceptance pushes him to game jump, break countless laws and ultimately put his life in danger. history of childhood trauma (e.g., physical or sexual abuse, neglect, early parental loss) is more common for individuals with BPD. Sometimes you will find that if they are feeling bad but cant at the moment find a single logical thing to argue about they will come up with something so random it will leave you thinking wtf??? Then came a third 5 days silent treatment where i laughed via text over the silliness of her behaviour. Even the times where we agreed to see each other (plans she made too), she would most often cancel those plans without even so much as a sorry. A nice guy type may think everyone is as skilled at relationships as he is and will often have been sheltered from these types because insecure people without traits of BPD come across as rude and obnoxious to nice guy and girl types. The story goesduring Christmas dinner at my familys house she slipped and fell on her way to the bathroom on some water that my dog has spit up after drinking it out of the toilet. The problem for you to find a lasting relationship is similar to the problem I have finding one, Im OCD, Im very protective over my possessions as they seem to be the only lasting thing besides my immediate family, I usually dont trust other women, and Im pretty care free, I dont take small things and turn them into big things. Sebastian, this is a classic case of a relationship with a woman with traits of BPD. This causes anxiety and fear of abandonment, which leads them to feel insecure about the relationship. But in order to move on, I just have to know if any of it was real. It sounds like you have a very clear understanding of what has happened and you are handling it with a great deal of strength. I wad the one who stayed faithful and steady. I got to this post and read this Sadly, because the behavior patterns of a woman with traits BPD in the beginning stages of romance are indistinguishable from any other person in love, the best you may be able to hope for is that you dont fall for this con again.. I been married to my wife for 6 years now, & recently discovered that she has traits of BPD. Basically her insecurity telling her she doesnt think she is worthy not understanding why I would want someone like her. I know its not easy. The reason these proclamations of love are so compelling is that she is not lying. If you have BPD, if you are trying to help or understand someone with bpd I highly recommend giving these episodes a listen. The movie explores themes of divorce, drugs, sex andmental health, characteristic of the generation at the time. She has refused to make any contact with the ministry and her son has been reluctance to speak with her at all. It is because they act out with friends in the same way they do with lovers and sabotage those relationships. Couples counseling is actually very destructive for partners of women with traits of BPD because as a nice guy you are following the rules of couples counseling. The embarrassment was just too much. She was released with her BPD diagnosis, And within a week she was attacking him again. Those proclamations of love. To understand the individual troubling behaviors it can be helpful to do searches within forums for people recovering from BPD. Funny that because I barely did anything wrong. I just finally broke free of a BPD partner after a nine month relationship, three month break up period, and 30 days of hell as she conned me into thinking there was a possibility of us reconciling. When I read your article, it seemed to me that you were saying that those with bpd cannot control their behaviors. So according to you, I showed how much of a man I am and all I got in return was a repeat of the first time. Then she may notice that once youre gone she is feeling very warm towards you. This listener ask about how to get motivated to actually recover when first diagnosed, how to honor morality and feelings, whether splitting and moral compass work together, and how to stay strong and grounded while having a moral compass with a history of being abused. BPD is a complex and serious mental illness. The more I loved her, the less she wanted to be with me. It is not their fault, it wont likely get better and without understanding of what is going on, they can do alittle to change things. I let rip over a number of texts, yet she still resumed attempts to communicate via text / calls? There is, however, a more ominous side to this seemingly perfect union. In alot of cases thats all that woman ever expirences in life since birth and she just doesnt quiet know how to overcome the symptoms of bpd or she doesnt understand her own illness fully either. This leaves their partner in a very difficult situation. Your insight will definitely will help those read it. I shall in future however, many many thanks. Jay@skeetersstrength.com OR Rose@skeetersstrength.com. Its just not fun being at the ebb and flow of anothers emotional discord esp. I feel with all my heart I owed her these years to try. Th verbal and emotional abuse reaches very high levels, including abusive behaviour to the kids, another temper outburst from me after taking months and months of incredible verbal abuse and facilitating her drinking and what I now believe was searching for a new source, while I take main responsibility for the kids, she, in the end, leaves me for a lesbian relationship which I am supposed to have driven her too. I have been married to a BPD lady for 20 years. When we enter a relationship, we are expected to be able to give up our self-centered ways and treat our partners interests as equally important as our own. Pulled me then pushed me away. And took things very seriously ! Psychology Today 2023 Sussex Publishers, LLC. Whether she has a personality disorder or not she is an abusive personality type. These intense feelings increase the probability of impulsive behavior, which is often expressed as promiscuity. I constantly fantasize about getting back together with her for exactly the reasons you state in the article.

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